.//The Warmth From The Snow

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Yest i met hui ling at jurong east... I was with my colleague on the way there, after my colleague reach her house at CCK, i was alone again... I wanna cry when i passed by bukit gombak mrt station... how i wish i can go back his house to c him... how i wish i can go back to hug him... I really miss him so much... so much... But i cant do anything... Once reaching jurong east mrt, hui ling haven't reach der, i was waiting for her & started to tink about him again... The more i tink, the more i miss him, i really wanna do the crazy thing to go back to his house n hug him.... I become very nervous & worried alone there, i hope hui ling faster come so i can stop tinkin... After a while, hui ling finally reached... We had a dinner at IMM... She say i look very qiao2 cui4, eyes so swollen & really gettin older liao...She advised me to stop crying, eat more & sleep well if i really wanna c him tis sun... She say if my bf c me now, he surely dun wan me.. hehe...I oso agreed, then i try to listen to her advice...

This morning his sis sms me, telling me that she chatted with her mum yest, knowing that i need to find a room to rent, then she asked me if i wanted to rent with her hubby's family house, which is 5 minutes walking distance to their house, my god! how can i stay der peacefully??? If tat case, i everyday can go back n find him, this thing will never end... I rejected her offer, then she even told me her mum will call me today to hav a planning for my bday celebration, n they'll persuade my bf to go along, which i dun tink is appropriate... Cuz his family surely will scold him during the dinner if he's willing to go... I would rather call him myself tml night to ask him to spend my bday on my bday night...

8:54 AM

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

i cannot eat for these few days... The most 3 spoons for food... I forced myself to eat when my stomach singing... Tink myself until so miserable, i'll wan to cry again... sigh... Everytime i tink of him, my heart really pain, making me havin breath problem, very xin ku... Try not to tink by chatting online with frenz... Everyday very busy to plan for next outing at night... i need someone to talk to me everyday... If not, i'm afraid i'll gone crazy... Love is so hurt... my fren say... 爱只是一个字，却伤人一辈子... Yest i weigh myself, i lose 4 kg within 3 days, sigh...

I've made up my mind already, i'll hope to spend my bday tis comin sun with him, but i dunno whether he will willing or not... I'll ask him again tis wkend... Sorry to trouble u guys... Cuz i really hope someone can help me... so many pp tell me the possibilities... But it's very tough to analyse, n i oso dun wish to tink anymore.. I'll ask him to be honest to me... What actually happened to him... Give me an exact reason for the break up...

I don't dare to go back JB tis wkend... Since everythin haven confirmed, i dun wanna let them worry about me... I surely will cry if i see them... Let me cool down & not so sad then tell them... My family will oso heart pain if they see me so hurt.... I've dated Hui Ling to spend the whole sat with me after work, then she asked me to stay overnight at her place for tat nite, cuz chai fong they all will not be in Singapore on wkend... I scared i'll anyhow tink alone, so i need her help...

12:44 PM

Hurt So Bad

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Sigh... Y people can changed so fast?? After 1 week coming back from China trip, my life turned into a horrible dream... I dunno what actually happened to him... My heart is very very pain after he bringing out the matter to me... he wan a new life, which he tink is enjoyable for him, he wan everyday go drinkin n no need to bother about others, he dun wan people to wait for him at home while he's drinkin... he decided to give up on our relationship jus like tis... Is it an excuse? i dunno...

I'm crying for 3 days 3 nights already, very tiring & sad... I cant do anything, the more i do, the more he feel i'm holdin on him too tight... He told me that he cant find the feeling even when each other do special things... Mayb we're stayin together for too long, gan2 qing2 tan4 liao.. I'm very sad... He's my 1st love & it's gonna be 4 yrs soon, how will i bearing to give up just like tis... I wan to salvage our relationship but the problem is tat he didn't intend to...Making my heart more hurt... i asked him to trust me that i could change, i can no longer tie him & speak out my mind immediately if anything i'm not happy with... I jus wan him to give me another chance to salvage our relationship... But he's too cruel to me... He say the only way to give us another chance is that i've learn how to & can let go of him... He keep saying sorry to me, sorry canot cure anything pls...

Yest i decided to move out temporarily to give us some time to cool down n let him to tink about tis relationship again, which is he desired for... I didn't go to work yest, i packed all my things in the afternoon, waiting for him to say goodbye to him... At about 8pm, i called aunty to come back & told her i got things to talk to her, she came back & came into my room, i told her this sad thing, she blame him tat he dunno how to cherish me, still wanna play, dunno how to tink... She's very sad to see me crying so hard, heart so pain... She say she really hope i can be her daughter-in-law, his family really like me alot... I also hope to be 1 of their family members, but too bad he destroy my dream, making me so misserable...

Once he's back n stepped into our bedroom, both of us cries for some time, i ask him to give me another chance, pls trust me, pls trust that we really can work hard for our future.... But he insist tat he wan a new life.... I got nothing to say but leaving house...I'm very sad but no choice, this is wat he wan... He asked me where i go & who i stay with, i didn't answered, he wanted to know, i told him it's at central area, i asked him to contact me by hp is enough... Before leaving house, I thanks so much to his family for the care for all these 3 yrs & i appreciate it, aunty keep blamin him tat he dun cherish me n very angry...

While i reach mrt station, aunty called me & crying so hard to ask me where i stay n they still wanna keep in contact with me, they even arrange bday dinner to help me to celebrate on tis comin sun.. But i didn't confirm with her... I jus let her know that i still can keep in touch with them... I heard her to cry, making me more bu4 she2 de2 & heart pain... His sis sms me to console me, sayin tat i'm the best gf he had brought back, n they really treat me as her future da sao & his mum oso treat me as her daughter-in-law... Seeing all these msgs n encouragement from his family n my best frenz, i'm very touching , nothin i can do but crying... Hui Ling say anyway i get zhen1 qing2 after tis incident, hope tml will be a better day for me...

I'm really too care for him, i'll tink of him when i wanna do anything, care too much, avoid to go out drinking cuz i'm worried i would find someone better than him, which i dun intend to, i wan to be his little princess & bao bei forever... So being loyal to him... But reality is too cruel, relationship is too vulnerable... Everything changed too fast, he knew i cant accept it, n wanted to slowly let go of me... Dear... i tell u... I'm not that weak... i can still carryin on my life without u... but my heart will never changed n i'm still hoping u can return to me... I'm jus afraid the day won't reach... The more i tink, the more tears drop... Is this a bday present to me?? The worst present in my life... These few days i cant sleep, skip meals, i can only sleep when i'm crying until too tired... R this going to be happened to me every night? i dunno...

Now staying with my frens, so paiseh to bother them, n tis is only a short term 1 wk stay... If things not goin well.. I've to find a room to rent... facing more problem, esp cash problem... sigh... have to save save use my $$...

12:55 PM