Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Before i'm going to write this blog, i tink of my ex, started to cry again... Sigh... I dunno y, the more i tink of him, i'll be more sad, or is it i still cant get over him?? I dunno... J told me i can only get over him if i won't cry anymore when talkin or tinkin about the past... Sigh...
He sms me to ask is there any chances to patch back, if yes, then he'll tell me the real reason of breakup... Smses as belows:
Ex: If there's a chance that we can get back together, will u wan?
Ex: If yes, i'll tell u the real reason i left u in the first place.. If no, then never mind..
Me: Wat u're trying to do? I already realised that our r/s already got problems, n u knew it before me, i really need to reconsider everything before i can answer u, u tell me the reason first, sigh..
Ex: I ran into some problem, need $ urgently, then did something wrong (i dun wish to write out, it's quite personal), i really dunno how to face u... not worthy of u...
Joice: If got problem, y u cant ask help from us?from ur family?y u always tink urself can settle everything!!u know u hurt me very deeply or not, u so cruel to me, now whenever i tink of u, i only will feel sad n hurt, i knew u got problem, but u chose to hide it from me, i tried to ask u out, but u asked me to let go, when i've already let go, u come back n told me all tis, wat u wan me to do??If tat time u tell me all tis, i sure will go back to u, but my heart now dun wish me to go back, how not to worry if u repeat tis to me again, its broken, i dunno, pls let me calm down..
Ex: Some probs cant let them know, is not i dun trust u, but i prefer to settle myself... But at least u are clearer what's happening, thou it won't make u feel better.. I'm sorry.. I really regretted.. But if ur heart tells u not to, mayb u really feel life is better without me.. Anyway, pls take care of urself...
I never reply him after tat... Cried for the afternoon in office again... I feel tat he's waiting for me to return back to him, but i'm not tat joice who will wait for him forever & go back to him if he want to... Sigh.. I was supposed to meet J on that night, already prepared my present - a collectible sports car cum transformer model, but then Jess asked me not to meet him by sendin tis msg, hee...
Me: Erm, I cant meet u tonite liao, some things to settle regardin my ex, i need to tink thru things, meet u another day perhaps...
Then, he immediately called me after seeing tis msg, haha... He say he worry about me la, dunno wat happened to me, hee... We chatted for a while, he really very funny ler, i keep laughin while talkin to him, he can make me laugh when i'm sad lo... he tot i was going to meet my ex to settle things, but i told him i only need some time to tink la.. Then he asked if i need someone to talk to tonite, so we back to our plan, hehe..
We met at city hall mrt station, he gave me a present again when i c him, i didn't dare to give him my present, haha, he c i'm holdin a paper bag then say wanted to help me carry... We bought some beers & tidbits went to Esplanade roof top, very quiet & dark der, but it's a nice place to chit chat, hehe... He asked me to open his present, i saw it's a Dior perfume, i'm very happy cuz i prefer this brand n wanted to buy, but i didn't try the smell, i tot should be the same smell with my fren's de, but once i reached home n try, it's different, hehe... But still smell ok la.. haha.. He say he yest fetch his customer from airport, so tot of buyin this for me lo... Then i told him some people will pantang about perfume as a present, cuz it's like will affect the r/s, then he say " huh.... i tot only shoes, like tat many things cant buy liao ler..." haha.... We chatted alot about many things, as usual, feel very comfortable & happy to talk everything with him... hee... I went to toilet sometimes, then after i comin back, he took out my present & say wat i buy, haha... I say it's a present for him since 4 yrs never meet liao...
J:" Erm, y u will buy this?
Me:" Cuz i only know u like sports car ma, so jus bought it lo, u dun wan ar?Ok lo, i take back.. (I grabbed back the paper bag)
J:"Who say dun wan? Whatever u buy, i oso will like it de la.." (he grabbed back again) haha
We chatted until 11pm... We took mrt to amk... Inside the train, he stand super close to me, we face to face each other, he keep lookin at my eyes, oh my god! i cant stand him, i didn't dare to look at his eyes, i'm super shy... He say i look very attractive, keep askin me dun be so cute can or not... haha... I told him pls dun be so 口花花, then he say he's very lazy de, he only will do this to those he's interested, haha..
Me:" Erm, Jess's bday is this fri, she asked each of us to bring 1 partner along, so u wanna come?
J:" Ya.. sure.."
Me:" Oh... but u become cai's partner can? hehe..."
J:"Wa lao.. pls la..i wanna be ur partner can!"
When i'm almost leaving from bus, he asked me to give him a good nite kiss, i rejected n say :" pls hor, we're only BEST FREN nia! :p wahaha....Purposely kek him... Pls ler, now i'm slowing down everything, he seems like gan jiong liao... hee... I keep playin with him lo, the most i go back to my ex, u wait for me for another 4 yrs lo... haha.. So now both of us only BEST FREN nia, dun anyhow play jokes in front of us ar... :p
I opened the perfume box & saw 1 slip note inside write:" Pls remember that a painful end is better than the pain without end... Cheer up ;> "
He's such a sweet guy... aiyo.. i feel too sweet for that night liao... hee
I chatted with cai until 2am plus... aiyo... we oso dunno y we got so much things to chat every nite.. haha... I tink i'm going to be crazy soon... I cried so much when we talkin about my ex, then i feel so sweet n happy when talkin about J... After chatting so much, my decision is that i can only let nature take course, continue with this new comer, if my ex comin back, then let's compete lo... haha... Yest Wen ask me that "U wan the red sports car or motorbike? Wa lao... This is not the main concern for me lo... :p Then they named my new r/s as "双J 恋", hehe... Cai's case more funny, MC恋 = Mustafa man + Cai = Mcdonald, wahaha....
10:59 AM
Monday, July 14, 2008
Sigh... Girls six sense is very accurate one... He sms me yest tellin me something... Some smses as belows:
Ex: Only u & sis remembered my bday, mum not even say a single word...
Me: I believe she remembered jus tat she didn't say out, Pls remember tat only if u show more concern to others, then pp will do the same to u, nothing is granted in this world, dun tink too much la, i'm sure she's the person who care u the most :>
Ex: You really wan me to remove the photos in the room? just ans me yes / no
Me: Up to u, i've already let go...
Ex: I only wan ur answer
Ex:?
Me: tat's ur room, i got no right to say anything, pls decide urself
Ex: It's not about got right no right, ur room, my room, I jus wan to know what u're tinkin
Me: I tink there's no point to put der anymore, it's broken
No more smses from him... Honestly speakin, i dun wan him to come back to me again, pls... I've already let go, i can back to my single life, dun let me tink about his past, make me go back to those sad moment on how he became so cruel to me... I cant take it, how to not worry if he wun repeat the same thing to me in future again?? Some more, my heart keep tellin me i dun wish to go back le, I do still care alot & worried about him, dunno wat exactly happened to him, but i oso dun wish to know the reason, what if tat's a valid reason, yet i cant do anythin to go back, like tat seems like i'm the one who dun cherish this relationship, who give up...
I called aunty yest nite to ask whether she still remembered his bday, she told me ya, she do, but he didn't go back home, so she got no chance to wish him, tat's his fault wat... Sigh... I think now he then realised tat he's not only losing me, but his family too... He started to worry, he tot i'll still love him & will go back to him anytime if he wan to, but plss.... Mayb he underestimated me, i'm much stronger than everyone expected, Or mayb he tot i'm tat open book which he can fully understand my thinkin & know wat i'm goin to do next step...
Be frank, i'll go back to him 3 wks ago when i asked him out, but he refused to come out, he's the one who ask me to LET GO... PLS LET GO... Well... I did it... So pls really follow wat u wish to... Once i've already let go, it's too late to say anything... Don't forced me to say those sentences that u told me when i beg u.. "Things r not the same... things changed... it's very tiring to drag on... problem cant b solved if i keep tinkin there's still a hope for our relationship... pls let go... , etc" All i remembered, i hurt very deeply inside, not givin me any single chance to salvage, i felt hopeless... I beg him to send me home cuz tat's my home, n i wanna be his woman forever, i keep tellin him tis sentence, many times...... but he's so cruel, still tellin me tat he really dun mean to hurt me to became so cruel, our relationship fade le...
I chatted with cai yest until 2.20am, hee... I cried again, sigh... We tink mayb he wanted to set a game to test me, wan me to learn how to live without him, so that if we go back again, i wun tie him anymore, he can get back his freedom & havin me around too, but he took too much risk in this game already... Since he already so sure tat he cant give me any future, asked me to find someone better, how can i hav any hope to be with him in future?? I'm those emotional type, jus follow wat my feelin ask me to, if my feelin changed, very little chance i would go back to him...
The last thing is mayb he got valid reason which he really canot say out, i dunno...
My heart can only give to & focus on 1 person, i canot multi-taskin in this matter, hehe... pls dun complicated my life... I wish u're always good in everythin, really.... pls find a girl who's good to u n ur familys too, pls settle down, dun keep others worried about u... I can truly give u my wishes...
11:24 AM
Sunday, July 13, 2008
忍不住想要爱你的冲动~~~
Recently keep repeating singing this song... haha... My ex bday jus passed, i'm as an ex to him, tinkin of tat 4 yrs relationship, i tink i need to at least send him a bday wish.. Belows are the smses goes:
Me: Yo! Happy bday! All the best to u! :>
Ex: Just another day but is nice to hav someone remembering. Thank you. How you?
Me: I'm fine here, hope u're good in everything too! :>
Ex: July is always low season for us. But will get by. You have some letters. 1 of these days free go my place collect.
Me: Ic,ya, i'll go collect soon,i've just change my ic add le, but will take some time to take effect, thanks for info, enjoy ur day ya!
Ex: You too. :>
As u all can see, i was reluctant to say more, all so fu1 yan3, he know my character well de la, i would write alot of my things to update him, but now i didn't, i know he can sense i've already changed...
Yest went to ktv with hui ling & her fren, we sang until 8pm, after tat i went back my ex's place to collect my letters & return the house keys to aunty...
When i reach der, aunty helped me to knock his door & asked him to take out my letters inside his room, he saw me, he's abit shock n awkward, i dunno y, mayb he never expect me to come on sat ba, then he took out letters n passed to me, after tat closed his door, i tot there's someone inside his room, hehe... Yest i acted very normal & happy, no more sad face, jus like nothing happened before... After tat, i knock his door again to check whether i've take back all my things, i saw his face super sad n his eyes are like after crying, i dunno, jus weird, i saw those our photos still on the table, i asked him to keep it all inside, no need to put here liao, he's awkward again, then he asked me how about my notes, i told him tat those books his sis need to study for ACCA soon, which he never know about it... I told him i've already take back all my things le... I chattd with aunty in living room for a while, then this is the first time she asked me not to wait for him anymore, go find someone better, he's useless, i tink his sis oso advised her not to keep me waitin for him, like tat very selfish to me... I tot yest i wun cry anymore after leaving his house, but i cried again, i'm human afterall, got feelin de...
Everyone is tellin me that he'll come back to me 1 day if he realised i'm still the best for him, but i hope he won't do it to me, i jus wanna carry on my life, tis r/s already broken, now i finally can get back to my single life, can do everythin at home without fears, even if i won't be attached with tat someone in future, i know i can live on myself le, of course it's good to hav someone to pamper la.. hehe.. I finally know the sentence everybody used to console me --> Time heal...
I'm trying myself not to tink of everythin past about him, cuz i'll only feel sad if i do it so... Whereas, i tink of tat someone, i'll always happy & smile to myself sometimes, hehe... He really can brighten my days lo... I know he cares alot about me, but i'm wondering if tat's a pure frenship or anythin tat can go further... Like & love is different lo... sigh... I'm eatin his sweet chocorate now.. Yest he asked me whether i've already finish eatin it, then i told him it's too sweet la... Then he reply chocorate sure sweet la, if not sour ar? haha... Pls lor, tat 2 big pieces of chocorate how i can i finish all within few days, hehe... hmmm..but it's very sweet inside my heart la... haha... Okok..i go take a bath, then go shop for a thing for him... Take care all... :>
1:40 PM
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Recently many things come into my life... I asked J out after so many years, hee... about 4 yrs, haha... Jus before i was deciding whether i should go into r/s w my ex, i asked him out to chit chat & ask for his opinion, he advised me not to starts tis r/s, i did listen to him, but after few days, i was too emotional & jus followed my feeling & heart, got attached w my ex... Sigh... Anyway, the previous r/s is a sweet memory though, maybe it's a learning point for me to grow...
J introduced a nice place for us to chill out -- The Crue ktv pub located near dhoby ghaut mrt... We ordered that bottle considered as 3 jars of beers to drink... We sang some couple songs together, he says that both of us sing together quite nice, hehe... It's been such a long time never meet or even contactin each other... He keep suaning me tat I'm very cruel to him lo, haha... Keep him waiting for 4 yrs, haha... He even named himself as a pre-r/s & post-r/s consultant, wahaha... I'm very paiseh to him la, i explained that tis is due to my weird character, too loyal & close all my doors to guys, i'll feel guilty if i contact with guys when i'm attached... J is a very nice guy to chat with, i'll feel very comfortable to chat everything w him & i enjoyed his companion... There is always full of laughter & it's fun~! hee... We chatted alot tat night, updating each other for what we've been doing all these 4 yrs... R/s, jobs, studies, family, etc...
That fri nite i was abit drunk but still very sober la.. hee... Just tat i accidentally knocked into the wall while comin out from toilet... haha... Jess called me & say the other 3 leis wanted to join us, then J oso asked another guy fren - Jeremy to join... Jeremy is a fun guy too, we all tink he very compatible with wen ler... haha... J is still sad tat nite for his grandma passed away matter, her grandma was the most close family to him, she means alot to him... While consolin him, my mood oso turned low, starts crying also... Cai comments tat we 2 r like acting drama, haha... So drama... hee... Pls ler.. Jus too emotional la...
After ktv pub, the 3 leis suggested to go K Box to sing whole nite until 6am, haha... I'm like first time go back SOOOO eARly.. haha..
We smsing each other after tat nite, he say we must meet up again next time on sun nite, his "next time" quite fast, the next day, he asked me out to chill out, we went to Bliss Cafe at Punggol... It's quite a nice place.. We drank 2 jars of beers & chatted alot... U all know i cant drink too much, so he suggested to go back home & take his car to send me back later... We walked to his house nearby der... He drive his super chio red car to a place which he always go whenever he's feelin down... I love his car! i told u all i love red car ma... Some more it's a sports car!! He say we can sit behind & chit chat with some cans of beer, i get down from the seat in front, tot of open the door behind, wahaha, there's no door behind, wahaha... He laughed at me, i say i never noticed it's a 2 door car ma... hee...so funny... Hmmm... I like the feelin we both sitting der sharing our thoughts... We chatted for whole nite! haha... We feel tat we need more time to know each other more, dun rush, i hope i can slow down everything... I should hav learnt from my previous mistake... God bless me ba... hee... I now got no more dreams~~ I fall in love with Elva's song --〉 冲动 haha... I can fight with cai singing tis song inside toilet liao!! haha... Go sleep lorr...Take care all~~
4:54 PM
