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Hurt So Bad
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Sigh... Y people can changed so fast?? After 1 week coming back from China trip, my life turned into a horrible dream... I dunno what actually happened to him... My heart is very very pain after he bringing out the matter to me... he wan a new life, which he tink is enjoyable for him, he wan everyday go drinkin n no need to bother about others, he dun wan people to wait for him at home while he's drinkin... he decided to give up on our relationship jus like tis... Is it an excuse? i dunno...

I'm crying for 3 days 3 nights already, very tiring & sad... I cant do anything, the more i do, the more he feel i'm holdin on him too tight... He told me that he cant find the feeling even when each other do special things... Mayb we're stayin together for too long, gan2 qing2 tan4 liao.. I'm very sad... He's my 1st love & it's gonna be 4 yrs soon, how will i bearing to give up just like tis... I wan to salvage our relationship but the problem is tat he didn't intend to...Making my heart more hurt... i asked him to trust me that i could change, i can no longer tie him & speak out my mind immediately if anything i'm not happy with... I jus wan him to give me another chance to salvage our relationship... But he's too cruel to me... He say the only way to give us another chance is that i've learn how to & can let go of him... He keep saying sorry to me, sorry canot cure anything pls...

Yest i decided to move out temporarily to give us some time to cool down n let him to tink about tis relationship again, which is he desired for... I didn't go to work yest, i packed all my things in the afternoon, waiting for him to say goodbye to him... At about 8pm, i called aunty to come back & told her i got things to talk to her, she came back & came into my room, i told her this sad thing, she blame him tat he dunno how to cherish me, still wanna play, dunno how to tink... She's very sad to see me crying so hard, heart so pain... She say she really hope i can be her daughter-in-law, his family really like me alot... I also hope to be 1 of their family members, but too bad he destroy my dream, making me so misserable...

Once he's back n stepped into our bedroom, both of us cries for some time, i ask him to give me another chance, pls trust me, pls trust that we really can work hard for our future.... But he insist tat he wan a new life.... I got nothing to say but leaving house...I'm very sad but no choice, this is wat he wan... He asked me where i go & who i stay with, i didn't answered, he wanted to know, i told him it's at central area, i asked him to contact me by hp is enough... Before leaving house, I thanks so much to his family for the care for all these 3 yrs & i appreciate it, aunty keep blamin him tat he dun cherish me n very angry...

While i reach mrt station, aunty called me & crying so hard to ask me where i stay n they still wanna keep in contact with me, they even arrange bday dinner to help me to celebrate on tis comin sun.. But i didn't confirm with her... I jus let her know that i still can keep in touch with them... I heard her to cry, making me more bu4 she2 de2 & heart pain... His sis sms me to console me, sayin tat i'm the best gf he had brought back, n they really treat me as her future da sao & his mum oso treat me as her daughter-in-law... Seeing all these msgs n encouragement from his family n my best frenz, i'm very touching , nothin i can do but crying... Hui Ling say anyway i get zhen1 qing2 after tis incident, hope tml will be a better day for me...

I'm really too care for him, i'll tink of him when i wanna do anything, care too much, avoid to go out drinking cuz i'm worried i would find someone better than him, which i dun intend to, i wan to be his little princess & bao bei forever... So being loyal to him... But reality is too cruel, relationship is too vulnerable... Everything changed too fast, he knew i cant accept it, n wanted to slowly let go of me... Dear... i tell u... I'm not that weak... i can still carryin on my life without u... but my heart will never changed n i'm still hoping u can return to me... I'm jus afraid the day won't reach... The more i tink, the more tears drop... Is this a bday present to me?? The worst present in my life... These few days i cant sleep, skip meals, i can only sleep when i'm crying until too tired... R this going to be happened to me every night? i dunno...

Now staying with my frens, so paiseh to bother them, n tis is only a short term 1 wk stay... If things not goin well.. I've to find a room to rent... facing more problem, esp cash problem... sigh... have to save save use my $$...
12:55 PM

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Name - JoicEeeee
Country - Singapore
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